That is funny as I am an only child. I was given lots and lots of love and very few things. I think I learned the value of caring for another very young didn’t mean riches but meant time and attention.

I think takers change. I don’t know what stimulates change but I think they can change.

The people that were takers I ended up severing contact with. I don’t miss them nor do I have any regrets. What I am learning is despite being aware of the giver/taker dynamic it can be a real balance to achieve in day to day life with people you wish to stay in contact and relationship with. I am dealing with another taker in my life now. Unfortunately she is very young and so teaching her is slow. I find the setting of boundaries can take enormous time but does have results that are positive for both of you. Setting those boundaries is both respectful of you and respectful of her. Living in a relationship without any boundaries is mush and creates more problems than the upfront difficulty of learning boundaries. I do wish you the best of luck. It is a slow growing process.

I just saw this old post of yours and realised that it fits my situation quite well. How are things going ? Have you found the right balance ?

I live in Switzerland and up till 2 months ago, I had a fairly happy balance between giving and taking with my friends and family. I am a giver, but not to the point of exhaustion that you talk about.

My harmony was disrupted 2 months ago when I fell in love with a taker. Love makes you blind. Even though she does not reciprocate, I am in love with her. Every time, I try to get out, I get sucked back in.

How did you tell the person that they are a taker? I wonder if a taker can change or whether this is fixed in character. Also, I wonder if takers are often single-children, i.e. without siblings. My guess is that an only-child gets so much love and attention that they never have to give.

Any thoughts ?

I hope all is well with you,

Kamal