happiness. frustration.

I’m happy. Really truly happy. Happy in a way that I haven’t been in years. Filling part of my life that has been empty too long. So I turn to a dear friend to share this good news and…

Frustration. Judgment rains down. I wonder, what is it about my happiness that is so threatening? What is it about me getting one piece of what I want/need in my life that creates such a negative “don’t do that” “you’re making a mistake” etc. etc. etc.

I wonder, since when do others get to choose what would make me happy? Yes, there are preconcieved notions of what is right and wrong for me. But on so many levels I’ve changed as a person. I know what I want (at least in some areas of my life) and can make my own mistakes. And so what if this is a mistake. I’m happy. For this short period of time I’m laughing my ass off, smiling, challenged mentally and nurtured. I think I deserve this wonder in life and am very frustrated that someone so close to me would feel the need to judge that it’s wrong for me.

And if I’m happy, how could that ever be a mistake?

Sadly, it makes me not even want to share good news with others close to me. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.


~ by mud on April 4, 2007.

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