Retreat, it’s always good.

Well, I went on my second 10 days of silence retreat.  It was more difficult, if that’s possible, than the first time.

The first time I went on retreat I knew part way through that it was an amazingly good thing for me.  Think of 10 or 20 years of psychotherapy crammed into 10 days.  Difficult, no doubt.  I will not lie.  I struggled to not run away almost every day.  I struggled to sit and pay attention to my breathing.  I struggled to not talk to everyone around me, to run screaming down the path and out into the open fields of corn that surrounded the retreat center.

But this time.  I wanted to come home so badly.  I got sick.  A sinus infection.  Which of course would move into my ears and my lungs and keep me coughing for a month after the actual sinus infection.  Yuck.  So trying to sit still, focus on my breathing and meditate seemed like pure torture.  It was in a way.  The teachers at the retreat were extraordinarily kind as they let me take extra time to sleep and rest and eat but still expected me to meditate.

When I left this time I didn’t think that I had gained any sort of benefit from it.  But, I was wrong.  I did feel lighter and cleaned out as soon as I was confronted with heavy bad news from a close family member.  So it’s good.

Now for the goal of meditating every day.  Wish me lots of good luck, determination and focus for this one!!

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~ by mud on December 3, 2007.

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